Quick Update

While I'm stuff my face I just wanted to do some writing. I've been writing a lot lately for other things, but not here.

I bought a car and am looking for a place to do my internship to get my degree. I need a place to work last month. Actually I think I have a *little* time.

I love the car. It's a 93 Ford Taurus. Drives smooth. Clean title. Good tags. Pretty good gas mileage for it being a Ford and an old one at that.

Started bowling again. I used to bowl when I was young, before I moved to Austin, on a league. I loved it. I still do. Although my body isn't in such good shape (there's something not right about my hip..).

The hamburger meat my sister-in-law made with/for dinner is disgusting. Everything else is pretty good because it came out of a can. But whatever, I didn't have to cook it so it's being shoveled in.

The mushroom supplement I've been taking? Fucking awesome. If anyone wants to try any I'd be happy to give you a couple packs of tea, coffee (black and creamed and sugared), or hot cocoa to try. If you like it, great. I signed up as a distributor so you'd be helping out my situation. If not, no biggie. It doesn't have the same effect on everyone. Some people's body chemistry will respond well, others not at all. It's natural and the only side effect that I know of is if you take too much over an extended amount of time you get nosebleeds. But that amount is above and beyond even the kind of results I'm getting.

If anyone cares, what it does is help restore your body to it's natural balance. You can find information about it on the wikipedia here. It's known as the reishi mushroom in Japan and Lingzhi in China. It's referred to as the king of herbs. There are various videos on youtube and google video that have information on it. If ever anyones interested, just let me know and I'll hook you up.

One more plug, hehehe. I was in Corpus this last weekend and went walking on the bay. If not for the pain in my hip, I felt like I had the energy to walk forever. I was staying downtown, so everything I needed was within walking distance and walk I did. I didn't get winded, and most of you who know me know I smoke. Hell, I walked up a hill in downtown Austin and didn't get winded at all. It was a nice feeling. So, for me, it has improved my circulation.

Anyway, I'm off to go bowl now that I've digested some food and some thought.

Jesus.Fucking.Christ.

If my days continue to be productively unproductive, I'm shooting someone and the dog.

I was assured today there's a special place in hell for me, and I'm going to have a friend when I get there. It's because I have sent this picture out in email:
So, yeah.

Other than that, the frustrations include looking for a car, a place to do my internship. Looking for a car.. a place to do my internship. I feel so fucking inept. Why does life have to be so hard?

And So...

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Highlights (not as in hair...)

Since life has primarily sucked lately and I don't like bitching here, I wanted to write down some funny stuff that's happened to me lately.

I learned a new phrase, that I refuse to use in public for obvious reasons: Fuck Trophy. A fuck trophy is the child of someone who's divorced or broken up with the mother or father of said child. It was taught to me by a very very very bad man.

I hope when you read this, Melissa, you lure me only to stab me. I'm too much of a pussy to commit suicide, and, life... I suck at it.

Seriously, though, what's wrong with me? I have more experience in computers than anything, yet I'm getting an associates degree to be a paralegal. I mean, what the fuck? My resume has more about coding in HTML and CSS, I've spent more time trouble shooting Linux, and I've actually been administrating a web site (soon to be bumped up to three) for several months. The thing I hate is the closer I get to finishing this, the more I love and regret it. Somehow I have to make this translate to "I'm a great critical thinker and worth my weight in gold when it comes to research." But I've no idea how. Resumes... I suck at them. Finding jobs.. I suck at that too. Usually the way I found jobs is talking to people. I mean, people like me, I have charisma or something... and we talk about the different shit I do and I'm good at, and chances are I can do, and love to do, something they need.

Alright, I can't do it. </funnystuff>

<bitch>
When I talked to the dean of the department I got the distinct impression that I was supposed to be working a month ago. He laughed when I told him I didn't have a job and hadn't found a place to intern yet. I had no idea until today what it was I was supposed to be looking for. I thought I could find a job as a file clerk, but apparently that's not entirely true. I have to have at least a part time thing under the super vision of an attorney. That information is very helpful. So he gave me a number, I called the lady and left her a message. I'm going to call again tomorrow. I'm still trying to get my resume together just in case there's a small ice cubish chance in hell I might be able to get a paying job. That would be really really nice.

In the words of the immortal Captain Malcolm Reynolds, "I do the job. Then I get paid for the job."
</bitch>

Last night I hung out with my friend Melissa and our friend Benson. When I was leaving I swear to god he was flirting with me. We'd talked about how I don't much care for men under the age of thirty, and Benson in all his wisdom told me, "Why? You're not looking for a relationship. Just fuck them." Cue Melissa, "Yeah. And call me. We'll talk about CSS." I'm considering this idea.. Anyway, so as I was leaving Benson puts his hands up, in the shape of the HTML tags <> and says "br," all sexy like, so I respond, in the same manner, "p." From there we digressed to machine code, "1-0-1-0-0-0-1." It was hot, I had to wash.

<bitch kinda>
So I got to hang out with Sharon last night, too. The wife of my friend who died. Well, they're both friends. I guess I'm depressed a bit about it. I don't feel like talking to anyone about anything. Well, that's not entirely true. I like talking to people and making them laugh, and being able to laugh myself. But still, I'm depressed. I laid in bed after today's hugely underrated success and masturbated.
</bitch kinda>

I came.
Twice.

<major bitch>
This is going to be cryptic on purpose. But there's someone on this earth. I hate him. I hate him because I think about him. I think about him because I have feelings for him. I hate having feelings for him. I just fucking hate him.. because I still think about him.
</major bitch>

Alright. My coffee cup's empty... I'm off to lobby to make such things illegal..

Asleep For The Last Time

Last year I took my dog into the vet, and the vet found some things she wanted to remove. A few teeth and this lump that might have been cancer on her thigh. I was very nervous. I didn't sleep the night before. I took her up to the vet but didn't want to leave her. Cosmoe's old, I wasn't sure how she was going to do with the being put under thing. So, I was scared. I called the High Priestess in my coven, because she lives not so far from my vet, and told her want was going on and asked if I could come to her house after I dropped off my dog. She said she'd be happy if I came over.
So I dropped off the dog and hung out with her and her husband. We drank coffee and talked for few hours. Her husband was significantly older than she was. He had a string of health problems, diabetes, he'd had his foot amputated. I remember him saying, "Now, when I go.." and he said what he wanted to say and began crying.
I'll always be grateful they were there for me. It was a hard day, and the days after because Cosmoe didn't have a bad reaction to the anesthesia, but she was real slow and disoriented.
I've always treasured time when them.
Her husband had a stroke last August.
When I saw them a month or so later, and I was standing there talking to him it actually took me a little while to get the fact that I couldn't understand a word coming out of his mouth. I was shocked, I didn't know it was so bad. I kind of gave him a hug (it's hard to do a full on good one when someone's in a chair) and went and found my High Priestess. I couldn't imagine what she was going through, or what it was like, to live with him and not even understand what he was saying. I gave her a hug, I'm still not sure if it was more for me or her or for both of us. I told her I had no idea, and if she ever ever needed anything I'm never more than a phone call away. I'm busy, yes, but never too busy to help her.
He passed away yesterday morning, it may have even been Friday night. We're not sure yet. That's a phone call I've been anticipating since I saw him that night. I'll miss him. I'll miss how happy he made this women I know. I'll miss walking into their home to hear a western in the back ground on the T.V. I'll miss his stories. I can still hear his voice in my head, saying, "You know.. when I was quiet a bit younger..."
I hope one day I'm so lucky as to lay down the man I love, kiss him, tell him I love him, and watch him sleep for the last time. Or on the other side, where he lays me down, tells me he loves me, and watches me sleep for the last time.

There are many incredible people in my life. I treasure you guys, and them, pretty much everyone I encounter. I hope everyone's had a great weekend.

Stuff I Realized Today

I didn't post my resolutions yesterday, so here they are.

1. I do hereby resolve and decree that I will have more crazy, nasty, strange, and at times more kinky sex than last year. I will of course keep this action in the realm of safety, carefully choosing participants and latex barriers between mucus membranes.

2. I do hereby resolve and decree to let the people who are special to me know how special they are. I will do so in person or in a real time atmosphere. The things I tell people will be genuine and not suck ass in nature.

3. I do hereby resolve and decree to blog more, even if it's stupid shit.

4. I do hereby resolve and decree to get a fucking job.

Moving on..

That mushroom stuff my friend gave me (from yesterday's post) FANFUCKINGTASTIC. Already, aside from the whole colon cleansing aspect. I have energy, more often than not I don't even want to get out of bed. This morning? Bright eyed and bushy tailed like I've never felt. I feel like my circulation is better. Usually I get cold as shit, but all day today I've felt the cold a little bit, but my teeth aren't chattering, my hands don't go numb and seem to warm up faster when they're not poked out in the cold, my feet haven't gotten cold at all (I was wearing slippers, but still sitting out in 30 something odd degree weather), and my torso has stayed warm. Usually my back gets real cold to the touch. I've eaten two meals already, and usually by this time I've had toast. My hip, which has been a constant pain my ass for a few months, is sore. It isn't hurting like it has been, it's just a bit sore. I feel more alert, well, awake, than ever. I slept all of six hours and feel fucking great.

Stuff I realized: Just because I have energy doesn't mean I have motivation. My soreness may be from the romp around the back of my van the other night (although all *pain* is gone).

The eating thing is what really amazes me. I've never known myself to eat more than once or twice a day.

Also, a side note, last year I made the quiet resolution to be at or around 200 pounds by the ends of the year. Yesterday I weighed myself. I'm at 203.5. Which is completely fucking awesome.. except.. my pants don't fit anymore...

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone's New Year celebrations were safe and lots and lots of fun.

I hope also, that you wonderful wonderful people who read these bits of text on the web, will take a moment to think of and send love to those families who have loved ones that didn't make it home last night. Even if you don't know anyone personally, take a minute, for me.

Like I said, I hope everyone had a grand time and made lots of drunken resolutions they'll either forget or not be able to keep.

My highlights:
Best New Years text message ever: Before the sun sets, before the memories fade, before the networks get jammed and before I get drunk, get naked and lose my phone, I'm wishing you a happy New Year.
Sent to me from my friend Jeff. He's so sentimental. :D

I got to try Thai food for the first time last night. Ironic that it would be the last time for 2007.

I drank a quad shot of espresso around 9pm and could feel each and every individual hair on my body until around 4 o'clock this morning.

I saw a candle holder that was so "WTF?!" I 1.) started crying I was laughing so hard; 2.) am still amazed someone put effort into this retarded piece of glued wood; and 3.) still can't imagine the original recipient keeping a straight face at the time she received said gift.

I got some strange I've been lusting after for a while (teehee) and it reaffirmed my resolution to have more crazy sex (like, safe, I'm safe, I want you guys to know that) and to stay single as long as I can afford to do so.

I got this coffee drink thing my friend's been telling me about that has these ganoderma mushrooms in it. I tell you what, I shit this afternoon like I haven't shit in about six months. We'll not talk about my horrible colon blockage.. moving on..

I got booty that I've been lusting after for two months, did I mention that? In the words of my friend Hector, who is very wise, it was over 9000.. and the awesome of it was made with pure awesome extract.

All in all, I got to spend some great time with friends. That's what I enjoyed the most. To my friends I didn't get to see last night, you know I love you, and none of us can be everywhere at once, I hope you had a wonderful time and happy 2008!