Situation Report

So, I'm finally where I can write about what's going on. 

I've been staying with my dad and step-mom the last few weeks. 

I'm getting divorced and just can't live in our apartment. Mainly for their safety. 

I tried this situation. The triad of me, my wife, and my wife's girlfriend. I'm very much not okay with the third. Extramarital sex that means nothing, fucking go for it. A live in girlfriend. Really, just no. It's not for me. I'm not saying it's a bad thing and won't work in any situation. Some people dig that. I don't. And as I got my spirit back I realized that. I realized this entire situation made me miserable. I realized that more than anything, I miss my husband. I'm not saying that my wife as a transgender person is bad. What I am saying is she's not my husband. He's gone. And I miss him so much. 

So, needless to say my life has been bumpy. I don't want to get into details, we've had our spats over the last few weeks. However, today we do hang every now and again, have really decent conversations and I enjoy this time. Although my heart still hearts, and on a certain level I am angry that she took my husband away. 

I thought for a long time that I could love the person inside, because this person inside was blossoming into the person they were supposed to be. A lot of the things I loved about the person inside my husband went away. I don't know if she decided they were not for her or what exactly happened with all that inside of her. All I know is I look at her, and I see someone else. Even on the inside. This person I tried to love, who I don't know. 

To clarify, I'm not leaving her because she's transgender. I'm leaving because I'm miserable and extremely uncomfortable with the relationship. And I have been for a very long time. One blessing is we're all very supportive through this. She listens to my feelings. She doesn't take them personally. And her girlfriend comforts me when I'm over there and just cry. Sometimes I have to go home and cry. And they let me. They cry with me. We all mourn our loss together. It's really kind of amazing.